Did your past relationships teach you that loved ones were unreliable and that you had to be vigilant and fight to be seen and responded to? Or did you learn that depending on others is dangerous and it is best to distance yourself, to not need others and avoid closeness? These basic strategies often switch on when we feel that our partner is distant or disconnected. Which strategy did you use in past relationships, say, with your parents, when things started to go wrong? Which strategy do you use now?
From Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson